Friday, May 10, 2013

Conversations with contemporary women writers

Behold! For I am a contemporary women writer--yes, I fulfil all three criteria!--and as such I have been invited to take part in a series of talks at Leeds Metropolitan University about, well, being a contemporary woman writer. As Johnny Bravo would say, "Enough about me. Let's talk about me. What do you think about me?"


This is Johnny Bravo. Not me. Although I do rock this look.
I might also read a bit from one of my books, and answer questions, which may or may not include, "Where are the toilets?" "When does the real author get here?" and "Where did you get those shoes?" If you want to know, you'll have to come along, because I haven't decided which shoes to wear yet. I mean, come along to hear me talk, too. Obvs. I am a Real Author. It says so on my business cards.

Anyway, I'm really excited about this, not just because it'll be my first solo engagement as a Real Author (eep!) but because I was born in Leeds and would quite like to see how the place has been doing in my absence. I used a few locations in a roundabout way for The UnTied Kingdom, and one I especially want to visit is Kirkstall Abbey, from which Harker and the squad rescued Eve, and which is in our reality a picturesque ruin (Note to self: don't forget your camera).

The talks are being held at Broadcasting Place, which I believe to be on Woodhouse Lane, in Leeds (there's a map here), and mine will be on Tuesday 21st May at 5.30. It's free to attend (although I think you might need a ticket: check the University's website for details). If you're in the area, pop along and listen to me rambling on about shoes, cats, and which celebrities I currently fancy. C'mon, it'll be fun!

Sunday, April 28, 2013

Who wants to see the cover for my next book. You do? Well then, wait no longer!

Ishtaer is a mystery. A blind slave, beaten and broken by her sadistic mistress, with no memory of a time before her enslavement.

Kael Vapensigsson is one of the elite Chosen—a Warlord whose strength comes from the gods themselves. But despite all his power and prestige, he is plagued by a prophecy that threatens to destroy everything he loves.

When Kael summons Ishtaer to his room and discovers the marks of the Chosen on her body, including the revered mark of the Warrior, both Warlord and slave seem to have met their match.

But as their lives become increasingly entangled and endangered, Ishtaer is forced to test whether the Chosen ever have the ability to choose their own fate.

Impossible Things will be released by Choc Lit in early 2014!

Tuesday, April 09, 2013

Who’s the sexiest robot?

A guest post today, on a very important subject.


Electra Shepherd is the pseudonym for an award-winning, bestselling romance/women's fiction author. She enjoys travelling, reading, and extreme Lego.

Oh, I do so love Sundays, when I tuck myself up in my eco-dome, put on my favourite tinfoil hat, and consider the vital question of Who Is The Sexiest Robot?

If you google ‘sexy robot’ you get quite a few hits, but they tend to be overwhelmingly about the sort of shiny big-breasted fembot who wears very little but a rubber bikini (or you might end up with this real-life abomination.

Essentially, they’re male-fantasy sex toys. (Number Six from Battlestar Galactica and Seven of Nine from Star Trek: Voyager are exceptions, as they have actual interesting personalities as well as killer bodies.) While these are fine, in a very very obvious and unimaginative way, personally, I prefer my sexy robots to be male, or possibly adrogynous, and to have definite character traits.

C3PO & R2D2
I suppose my earliest robot crush was on R2D2 and C3PO. Whilst they’re not exactly anatomically correct, it’s easy to imagine that they might have some spare attachments somewhere to help out. Mostly, though, the attractive part about these two is the fine love/hate bromance they’ve got going on. They would make a great M/M couple, don’t you think?

Some of my friends confess to lusting after Transformers, notably Optimus Prime and Bumblebee. Myself, I worry about the multi-function parts. What if something went wrong and mid-coitus you found yourself with a huge lorry on top of you, thrusting away? That could be very painful indeed; at the very least you’d get tyre marks.

Data 
As far as Terminators go, the reprogrammed T-800 from Terminator 2 is pretty damn sexy: fiercely protective, good with a gun, super-strong and inexhaustible. Unfortunately he looks like Arnold Schwarzenegger, but you can’t have everything I suppose. His nemesis, the T-1000, whilst evil, has some definite sexual possibilities, what with being able to melt and reform into any shape. But y’know…evil.

VCG-60L...er, does he have a name?
There are some robots I’m very fond of, but which aren’t really sexy as such. Marvin the Paranoid Android is fine, especially when he’s got Alan Rickman’s voice, but physically…meh. GERTY in Moon, who sounds like Kevin Spacey, is a sympathetic robot with a conscience but a) he expresses emotion with smiley faces and b) he’s attached to the ceiling. Jude Law’s Joe in AI is probably the least sexy gigolo I’ve ever seen. I haven’t seen Robot and Frank yet, but I’m guessing it’s heart warming and quirky rather than an all-out sexbot fest. Worse luck.

I’ve noticed that my favourite sexy robots are quite human in appearance, but they have certain quirks in behaviour that mark them out as something other. I enjoy the mechanical parts of them, but what I like best is how they both struggle with and revel in being different. Data is probably my all-time favourite, but a close second is David from Prometheus. Something about their ultra-precise speech and movements, their vast intelligence and lightning-quick grasp of every situation, their unassuming appearance which belies incredible strength…
David

Oh yeah, baby. That does it for me.

Who’s your favourite sexy robot? 

Electra’s latest book, MAN OR MACHINE, is out 5th of April with Ellora’s Cave. Book 2 of the BODY ELECTRIC series, it’s a funny romantic erotic novella about a computer geek who builds herself a sexy robot companion…and then discovers her ex-boyfriend hidden in her wardrobe with a remote control. 

Buy Electra’s ebooks from her publisher: Ellora’s Cave
Buy her books on: Amazon.co.uk 
Electra on Twitter
Electra on Facebook

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

A storm in a teacup

An American acquaintance of mine who lives in England said recently that one of the hardest things to adjust to was food shopping. Sure, we have lots of the same foods, but they have different names...and let's face it, there are always going to be things you can buy abroad that you just can't get in England, and vice versa.

And then there's the different attitude we have to food. And to drinks. And to one drink in particular. It's time to talk about tea.

The English are famed for tea consumption. We have something of a national obsession with it. (It's probably something to do with the Empire.) I'm saying 'English', because when you think of tea you think of England, but it's more of a British obsession. My Irish friends also understand tea perfectly (according to the UK Tea Council--yes, it's that important--the Irish drink more tea per capita than the British). You don't have to explain tea anywhere in the British Isles. Everyone gets it. But travel abroad and it's a disaster. American hotels don't even have kettles, and surely that's a basic human right.

And if I read one more book set in Britain where tea is done wrong, I might scream. So here's my guide to British Tea.

Rule one: Tea has milk in it. 98% of British tea is drunk with milk. The other two percent, I suspect, is the speciality kind of tea, such as Earl Grey, which is better taken with very little or no milk, or by those who don't consume dairy. Lemon is acceptable, but it is a bit weird.

Rule two: Tea has milk in it. I know this sounds like rule one, but it's important, so like Fight Club, I'm saying it twice. Cream tea does not mean tea with cream in it. You don't put cream in tea. If I read one more book (usually by a well-meaning American but not always), that has someone adding cream to tea I really might vomit. As would you if you drank tea with cream in it. Cream is thick, and floats in tea. Yes. It floats. Like scum. It is very, very wrong to put cream in tea. It's milk. Cow milk. I'm going to petition Parliament about this.

Have we got that straight? Good. Rant over.

Rule three: Tea means black tea. It comes from tea leaves. Herbal tea is not tea. Fruit tea is not tea. Green tea is technically tea (same leaves, different process) but it's not what we talk about when we talk about tea. There are lots of varieties of tea, and some are very fancy indeed, but if someone is making a cuppa, it's black tea.

Rule four: You can put sugar in if you like. Unlike with milk, no one will judge you.

Rule five: I don't know what that nancy boy on the Diet Coke adverts really does for a living, but he's not in construction. Real builders drink tea. Brew it strong, brew it dark, and make sure there's plenty of sugar available.

Rule six: There will always be arguments about whether you put milk in first or milk in last. It actually is a class thing, involving types of china and how it could withstand heat, but these days it's more about snobbery, and that's a totally different animal.

Rule seven: Tea is important. Tea is cultural. Tea is part of the fabric of British life in such a fashion that I truly believe society would collapse without it. Tea cures everything, or at least makes it better. You know that Doctor Who episode where James Corden touches the goo and gets really ill and the Doctor cures him with very strong tea? No one in Britain found that weird.

As this important public service announcement demonstrates, Tea contains Moral Fibre.

Now, go and put the kettle on.

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Impossible Things

Exciting news: today I posted off the contract for my next Choc Lit book, Impossible Things! This is the book formerly known as The Warlord, The Blind Slave, And The Dog Called Brutus (but try fitting that on a book cover), and that basically describes it. Unfortunatlely, the operative word there is 'basic', and I've been trying to find a better way to explain it.

Krull the Warlord: scourge of the sea, terror of the Empire, and... actually quite a nice guy who reads bedtime stories to his kids. One of the elite Chosen, a Warrior whose power comes from the gods themselves, he's horrified to find a blind slave with the marks of the Chosen on her body. How can a slave be Chosen? How can a woman bear the mark of a Warrior? And why does she insist that the wolf who follows her everywhere is actually nice doggy called Brutus?

Hmm...I'm not sure that qualifies as 'better', but it'll do for now. Hussah for new books!

Friday, February 01, 2013

Les Miserables: a review

A really long review, I warn you. It's been two weeks since I saw it (who releases a film called The Glums in JANUARY? Sure...no one needs cheering up this time of year) and I've been meaning to put down a few thoughts about it, when I've assembled them correctly.

(and yes, there was another reason for the pause. It's taken me a while to be able to assemble coherent thoughts after my beloved cat Jack died, very suddenly and wholly unexpectedly, on 20th January. I don't know whether grief really is all the worse when it comes suddenly, but it sure as hell feels like it).

Anyway, to the barricades! Well, eventually to the barricades, because one of the distinctive features of Les Mis is that holy crap, is it long. 158 minutes long, which is 2hrs and 38 of our Earth minutes. And considering that it's a totally sung-through musical, with barely a few words of dialogue, that feels a little too long. Yes, I know the stage production is similarly lengthy, but this isn't a stage production. Things work differently on screen. There's no interval for one thing (more on which later). I'd have made some cuts, especially at the beginning when there's rather a lot of Valjean staggering around looking bedraggled and singing introspectively about his fate. Chop chop!



Speaking of Valjean, I heard Tom Hooper say that their wishlist went: "1: Hugh Jackman. 2: Please refer to number 1." It's a big, big role, not just because of its popularity but also because it fills such a huge portion of the screen time. Valjean ages over 16 years, going from convict to respectable businessman to soldier to old man. It's a lot to take on. Generally, I think ol' Huge does a pretty good job, but I do wish he'd stop doing that vibrato thing with his voice. I'm not quite sure he deserves his Oscar nod, though.

Who does deserve their Oscar nod is Anne Hathaway. Yep, we've all seen the clips and read the news that it was her own hair she had cut off (now that's method acting!), so there's a lot of hype, but for the fifteen minutes or so she's on screen you feel every minute of her pain. Fantine loses her job at Valjean's factory, due to the spite of her colleagues:

[WOMAN TWO]
Have you seen how the foreman is fuming today?
With his terrible breath and his wandering hands?

[WOMAN THREE]
It's because little Fantine won't give him his way

[WOMAN ONE]
Take a look at his trousers, you'll see where he stands!

[WOMAN FOUR]
And the boss, he never knows
That the foreman is always in heat

[WOMAN THREE]
If Fantine doesn't look out
Watch how she goes
She'll be out on the street! 

...which is precisely where she winds up. Desperate for money to keep her illegitimate child, Cosette, safe, Fantine sells her hair, her teeth, and finally her body. We see a grimy, unwashed sailor take her to his cabin and heave about on her for a few minutes, before chucking some coins at her and wandering off. Fantine sits up in the nasty little bed and sings I Dreamed A Dream, with the camera tight on her face. It's difficult to watch. She doesn't spare any of the ugliness of her situation.



But, okay. I watched some cast interviews and they all said how Tom Hooper got right in their faces as they auditioned, because that was where the camera was going to be. Which works for I Dreamed A Dream, because it's precisely right for Fantine's terrible situation. She has nowhere to hide and neither do we. However, he pulls the same trick on another couple of solos, and it loses its charm. Here's why, with two examples.

One of the other very famous songs from Les Mis is On My Own, sung by the street rat Eponine about her unrequited love for rebellious student Marius. I think Samantha Barks does a marvellous job as Eponine, conveying her toughness as well as her vulnerability, but when On My Own comes around, it lacks a bit of scope. Well, a lot of scope. Eponine imagines what life would be like if Marius loved her:

In the rain the pavement shines like silver
All the lights are misty in the river
In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight
And all I see is him and me forever and forever

and then, devastatingly, when reality crashes back around her:

I love him, but when the night is over
He is gone
The river's just a river
Without him, the world around me changes
The trees are bare and everywhere
The streets are full of strangers


And yet what do we see while Eponine is pouring out her heart? Do we see the lights misty in their river? The trees full of starlight? Do we even see a river or any trees? No, we see some wet cobbles (which don't shine like silver), and then the camera gets right up close in Eponine's face and, oh look, nowhere to hide again. I want to see her fantasy world, or at least a glimpse of it. I want to see how much bleaker the real world is. I want to see those streets full of strangers. But she really is on her own.

The second time I think a bit of fantasy would have worked is after the revolution has failed (oh come on, I'm not spoilering, it's there in history books if you can be bothered to look) and Marius laments his dead friends in Empty Chairs At Empty Tables. It's a devastating portrait of grief:

Here they talked of revolution.
Here it was they lit the flame.
Here they sang about `tomorrow'
And tomorrow never came.

 Eddie Redmayne was a bit of a wildcard in the casting--maybe those on the inside of the industry knew he could sing but the rest of us didn't. He makes a great Marius: romantic and idealistic without being, as Michael Ball (the original Marius) describes him, 'a bit of a drip.' His grief for his friends, his guilt at being the only survivor, is palpable in this song. And yet when he sings:

Phantom faces at the window.
Phantom shadows on the floor.
Empty chairs at empty tables
Where my friends will meet no more

...I'd kind of like to have seen some evidence of these ghosts, please. If I recall correctly, at this point in the stage production we actually see the ghostly figures of his friends appearing around the edges of the stage, and of course on screen you can do a lot more than that. No, we don't need cheesy Jacob Marley-style hauntings, but I wanted to see a tiny glimpse, out of the corner of my eye, of Enjolras or Gavroche; the flicker of a shadow; the echo of a song.

 

You know what it's like when you've lost someone. You keep thinking you've seen them, and then you remind yourself that you couldn't have. So many times in the last two weeks I've heard a cat meow, or seen a tail flick around a doorway, and thought, "Oh, is that Jack?" Of course it's not. And the reminder that it can't be, will never again be, is dreadfully painful. Empty Chairs is all about that hollow little gap where someone should be, and isn't. Redmayne does a great job, but he's singing, "My friends, my friends, please forgive me!" to ghosts who aren't there.

Who patently is there, solidly and relentlessly, all the way through, is Inspector Javert. Russell Crowe has had a bit of flack for his portrayal, but I reckon he did a good job. He's an interesting villain, because he's not actually a bad person. Javert is a policeman in the same way that a tree is wood. It runs all the way through him. He believes in the law, and will pursue the law singlemindedly. The law has saved him from a pitiful beginning--born in a prison with 'scum' like Valjean. Javert sees the world in black and white, and when he's faced with Valjean, who's been lightening his shade of grey for decades, he simply can't compute.

There's an exchange right at the start that illustrates Javert very neatly, when he's handing Valjean his parole. He only ever addresses Valjean by his prisoner number, 24601. I'll do it in prose-style:

  Valjean protests that all he did was steal a loaf of bread because his family was starving. Javert replies, "You will starve again, unless you learn the meaning of the law...Yes, 24601."
 "My name is Jean Valjean," spits Valjean, incensed.
  To which Javert replies, implacably, "And I am Javert. Do not forget my name; do not forget me," and adds, pointedly, "24601."


 And from this pillar of the law, I'll move on to the antithesis, which is the villainous Thenardiers. They run an inn, and apparently take care of little Cosette (remember her? Good), while in reality using her as unpaid labour and extorting ever more money out of poor Fantine. Sacha Baron-Cohen and Helena Bonham-Carter, who clearly had the time of their lives when they did Sweeney Todd, are just as clearly relishing these roles. Master of the House is one of the times when the film style works better than the stage show, because it can move that much faster and contain that much more detail. The befuddled, whirling customers, unaware they've not just had their pockets picked but their glasses have gone too; his 'band of soaks, my den of dissolutes, my dirty jokes, my always-pissed-as-newts,' who are dribbling and covered in vomit; the pair of them charging a bridal couple 'two percent for looking in the mirror twice', and a second later 'three percent for sleeping with the window shut.' Thenardier lamenting the loss of his dear 'Colette' who clearly can't wait to get away (a just-the-right-side-of winsome Isabelle Allen). Top stuff. Leavens the misery nicely.



 I think that only leaves Cosette, who is played as an adult by Amanda Seyfried. Now, I've always thought Cosette was a bit of a thankless role, just a lot of mooning around and warbling in a voice so high only dogs can hear it, but Seyfried manages to pull off a not-quite-so-irritating performance, on which she should be congratulated. The otherwise nausea-inducing A Heart Full of Love is redeemed by some nice cinematography (check out those butterflies!) and when Marius introduces himself and stammers, "Cosette...I don't know what to say!" her sweetly embarrassed shrug is nicely judged.



All in all...well, you've probably got to love the musical before you can love the film. Some of its problems are inherent, such as the odd jarring moment at the end of the spectacular, rousing One Day More which ends Act One: in the theatre, you clap and clap and then you get up and queue for the loo or go to get your interval drinks. In the cinema, you just sit there wishing those giggly teenage girls behind you would shut the hell up, and wait for the next number to begin. The pacing can be a little slow--what's measured and thoughtful in the theatre can drag in the cinema--and as I said, I think there could have been more scope in a couple of numbers--and a lot less HERE IS MY FACE SINGING cinematography. That said, the big crowd scenes are spectacular, and there are some nice touches, like the death pose of Enjolras mirroring the way he falls backwards over the barricades on the stage.

But, as my friend Alysia said when we left the cinema, "I know there's a clue in the title, but my God that was depressing."

Saturday, December 22, 2012

Free short story on Luke & Sophie

Yep...that's the headline! The lovely people at National Express, who have transported me to and from airports and got me home in the middle of the night, are offering free short stories throughout December, and one of them is mine! It features Luke and Sophie from Run Rabbit Run, and some chocolate, and even a recipe. You can get the code to download the story free for most devices by following National Express on Twitter or Facebook. Fill your boots!

Monday, December 17, 2012

Busy busy

I seem to have been up to my eyeballs lately with a variety of things, but I did manage to get in a blog post over at the Choc Lit Authors Corner, and it's full of lovely pictures of Venice too, a bit like this one. Pop over and have a look!

Photo by: Alysia Ramsdale

Saturday, November 17, 2012

The Next Big Thing

I've no idea who started this, but it's been all over the net like a...well, a net. The Next Big Thing is an author thing where we tell you about what we're doing next, and since I've been trying to think of things to tell you about my next book, it's all rather neat that Jane Lovering tagged me for it. Jane is my fellow Choc-Liteer, and has also spent many an evening in my company, usually in the presence of wine, discussing men we fancy (Aidan Turner, yes; Tony Robinson not so much).


What is the working title of your book?

It's called Impossible Things. It had dozens of working titles, none of which were quite right, before I thought of this one. Impossibility is quite a theme in the book, plus it rather reminds me of that Alice in Wonderland line about believing six impossible things before breakfast. Alas, my book does lack talking rabbits.


Where did the idea come from for the book?

I never quite know, but I do recall with this one that I'd had a dream where strange tattoo-like markings appeared on my hands and face, and just thought that would be quite a cool thing to put in a book. And then there was the frankly terrifying dream about being a servant in a house that was welcoming the Devil. I'd also read a book with a blind heroine and, well, I like to challenge myself every now and then. This and about a million other ideas just sort of went into the pot and cooked for a long time, and eventually they turned into Impossible Things.


What genre does your book fall under?

Fantasy romance, I suppose.


Which actors would you choose to play your characters in a movie rendition?

Ooh I love this game. Actually in that dream I had about the devil, he looked a lot like Richard Armitage, and that devil eventually became my hero, Kael. He's a big, powerful, sarcastic, kind, impatient, clever, war lord (hmm, have I written one of those before?). And he can be so scary my heroine actually thinks he's the Devil. I reckon my Mr Armitage could do that.

As for my heroine, Ishtaer, I'm not sure. I originally imagined someone fine-boned and classic, like Keira Knightley, but the more I wrote her the more this didn't seem to fit. Then I chanced upon that famous Steve McCurry 'Afghan Girl' photograph and thought, "Oh my God, that's Ishtaer!" She has dark hair, skin like warm honey, and strikingly pale blue eyes. She always looks like she's poised to run. I don't know who could play her, actually!

Ishtaer befriends a student called Eirenn, who I reckon could be played by Robert Sheehan. Ishtaer, being blind, knows nothing of what he looks like, and Kael notices little more than that he's dark-haired. But he's very charming and charismatic, and I think the lovely Mr Sheehan would play him nicely.

For some reason I have a really clear vision of Bradley James, who plays Arthur in Merlin, as Marcus. Marcus isn't particularly nice to Ishtaer throughout most of the book, he's rather vain and spoilt--but then, he's rich, good looking and very skilled at what he does, so I suppose he's entitled.


What is the one-sentence synopsis of your book?

It's about a warlord, a blind slave, and a dog called Brutus.

(Brutus would be played by a wolf, incidentally)


Will your book be self-published or represented by an agency?

It's currently under consideration with Choc Lit, who published my previous two books.


How long did it take you to write the first draft of your manuscript?

Er, quite a while! It was a story I started a few years ago but didn't know what to do with, and kept restarting because I couldn't get the right note, a bit like starting a song with a mischord. But once I restarted, I wrote the bulk of it in about six months.


What other books would you compare this story to within your genre?

There isn't an overabundance of fantasy romance around, but I think Sara Douglass's Threshold was quite a big influence.


Who or What inspired you to write this book?

I'm not sure any one thing or person did. I was inspired by the same things that inspire me to write all my books: rampant curiosity, hours of daydreaming, and, as Capt. Mal Reynolds so memorably said, a powerful need to eat this month.


What else about your book might pique the reader’s interest?

There's a dog who might be a wolf. Come on, you've got to admit that's cool!

(Editor's note: I've completely run out of people to tag for this. I may well be the last novelist in the universe who hasn't done it yet. Far out, man! If I'm not, and you want to do it, then feel free to tag yourself. Just don't do it in the street and frighten the horses)

Friday, October 12, 2012

New editions!

A lovely package arrived for me today, containing the large print version of The Untied Kingdom and the audiobook of Run Rabbit Run. How exciting!

You can get the audiobook for £25.52, which is a lovely palindrome of a number, direct from Whole Story Audiobooks. Hopefully both it and the large print Untied Kingdom will be available on Amazon and other retailers soon.

Anyway, now you can listen to Sophie and Luke's exploits while doing housework or walking the dog or driving. Just, please, drive safer than Sophie!